The Wit & Wisdom of Gossip Girl: I'm a Fleabit Peanut Monkey, All My Friends are Junkies

"Anyone know why all the Gossip Girl voice-overs referenced the Rolling Stones?" wrote Dave Itzkoff after Gossip Girl on Monday night. "Other than to make me laugh at Kristen Bell's line readings?" To answer his questions: Nope, and nope! And nothing in "While You Weren't Sleeping" referenced this bizarre occurrence either. Perhaps the writers were huffing too much ether while breaking down this fairly excellent episode of Gossip Girl? Either that or there's only so many voice-over tricks a show can use before falling back on the Stones.

"While You Weren't Sleeping" was a pretzeled episode of Gossip Girl (think Inception, but with minions), and while it didn't make a whole lot of sense — what, exactly, does Vanessa have over Ben since he returned the $100,000 check? — it was still a fun time. To wit: Rufus did stuff! And he was good at it! (Also: Dair, Dair, Dair!) Let's chill out on the fanboying and investigate the British Invasion-infused wit and wisdom.

"Mick, Keith and their questionably costumed cohorts said, 'You can't always get what you want.' But that doesn't mean it's okay for anyone else to have it either."

Blair wants Chuck to be happy, but not with Raina. Dan wants Serena to be happy, but not with Ben, the pseudo-statutory rapist. These two storylines will eventually converge. In the mean time, let's enjoy Serena's new euphemism for sex with Ben: "Playing Scrabble all night." Uh-huh.
Wit or Wisdom: Stones.

"Girls Inc. has found its new face in Raina Thorpe. If only Chuck Bass could get her to look at his again. But New York's favorite bad boy always gets what he wants. And in this case, we think that's the girl who has everything."

The problem with the Raina/Chuck relationship is not that it prevents Chuck from hooking up with Blair, but that Chuck and Raina have anti-chemistry. No one is invested in this "relationship," the least of all Chuck and Raina. He was better off with Fleur. Just sayin'. Also, hilariously, this Gossip Girl post was shown on screen and labeled as "e-blast #1908." Nice to see GG doesn't bend to SEO practices with regard to headline writing!
Wit or Wisdom: Stones.

"Can't get no satisfaction. Looks like that's up for debate."

Chuck's grand plan to get Raina back was to leave him with manwhore Nate? We thought that was a good idea? Maybe Chuck should lose his billion dollar company to Russell Thorpe and his tailored suits.
Wit or Wisdom: Stones.

"Painting it Black has nothing on the trouble one piece of purple paper can cause."

This was super confusing. Somehow, Blair got involved in the Damien coke buy that Eric and Serena were involved in, but she also got Dan involved. Dan, who promptly stuck his nose in Blair's business — business she got wrong because of sleep deprivation — and screwed something up. Huh? All I know is that Dan almost bought $100,000 in cocaine, and that's just funny.
Wit or Wisdom: Stones.

"Poor E, only 18 and already welcoming all the makings of anyone's 19th Nervous Breakdown."

There was something really hilarious about Lily trying to throw Eric a "kids party" for Eric's 18th birthday because he hasn't really had a childhood. Said kid party included about 15 millionaires, a few models and expensive china. Nice touch.
Wit or Wisdom: Stones.

"I hear a storm is threatening someone's very life today. Let's hope they find some shelter, and it's not behind bars."

This is in regard to Lily. Spoiler alert: She's not going to be thrown in jail. She's Lily, a rich, blond, famous person. She'll get a slap on the wrist. Why is Damien bothering with this whole thing? Because his cosmetics supply is running low?
Wit or Wisdom: Stones.

"Turns out what Ben did while doing time wasn't on his side. Now Vanessa has him under her thumb."

Explain: Why does Vanessa have anything on Ben? Because he threatened Damien, a drug dealer who everyone hates, and got Lily's $100,000 check back? Nice leverage, Vanessa! Glad to have you back.
Wit or Wisdom: Stones.

"When you do finally get what you want, the problem is there's always someone trying to take it away. And all that wanting makes us blind to the fact that things aren't exactly what we think they are. Maybe it's better sometimes to just get what you need."

Dair! Nate and Raina! (Naina?) What does the future hold? Probably more lies, sex and late night movie watching for Dan and Blair.
Wit or Wisdom: Stones.

OVERALL: A solid ground rule double episode, that marked the return of Vanessa, the furthering of Dair and a moment that hasn't happened since season one: Rufus being relevant. How about the Botoxed househusband participating in that bit of corporate espionage with Lily? Nice job, Ruf! Next week: William Baldwin returns to have a whisper-off with Ed Westwick.