The Wit & Wisdom of Gossip Girl: Here in America, We Call It a Frittata

Michael Boatman is a terrible actor. That we're supposed to believe his Russell Thorpe is this titan of industry — the kind who can buy and sell Chuck Bass with change from his morning coffee purchase — is one of the funniest jokes currently running on Gossip Girl. Well, that and the fact that Blair Waldorf is basically running W magazine.

And yet! "It-Girl Happened One Night" was... awesome! Sorry if that's not critically accepted terminology, but screw it: This isn't a master's class in television criticism, and I'm not a dork. Well, other than for the fact that I recap Gossip Girl in my own free time. For free.

Ahem. This edition of wit and wisdom is a tad late because Monday was Valentine's Day, but such a good episode warrants some commenting. To the good stuff!

"It's cold out there. But on the Upper East Side, things are heating up because Valentine's Day is just around the corner."

Spoiler alert: Gossip Girl totally mailed things in during "It-Girl Happened One Night." Which brings up an interesting point/theory: The better the Gossip Girl episode, the less Gossip Girl has to say. Anyway, it was Valentine's Day on Monday and it was "almost" Valentine's Day on Gossip Girl. This is important only to me.
Wit or Wisdom: Wit.

"Uh-oh. B's in for a shock when she finds out what she thought was fake as a CZ is as real as Harry Winston."

The Chuck/Raina relationship has been a waste of time, if only because Ed Westwick could not seem to care less, while Tika Sumpter is a bland foil. (With a chest that rivals Serena's in its gravity defying prowess.) What was interesting about "It-Girl" was that it gave Chuck/Raina their best moments as a couple, and then promptly burned them to the ground when Chuck attacked Lily and her adoption of him. Hey, remember when Chuck got shot and spent the summer pretending to be someone else with Fleur Delacour? Just checking.
Wit or Wisdom: Wit.

"Looks like this was one love letter Lily didn't want anyone else to read."

We're still pretending that people don't know Lily slept around more than Serena?
Wit or Wisdom: Neither.

"One lonely Bass adrift at sea. Looks like Venice isn't the only sea that's sinking."

Before getting into this Bass break-up some more, let's applaud Blair for telling Serena that "it's OK to date below the line; Madonna and Julia Roberts paved the way for girls like you." At least someone remembers that Ben is a dirty ex-con who had statutory-y thoughts about high school-aged Serena. Anyway! While Chuck was watching his entire life crumble before him (until a last minute save from The Captain!), Blair and Dan had a genuinely touching heart-to-heart behind a curtain. Poor Blair! Adorable Dan! As Television Without Pity wrote, that was the most Dan-like Dan has been since season one.
Wit or Wisdom: Wit.

"Rubies are red, Hydrangeas are blue, Chuck's given his heart away, but guess what Blair? Not to you."

And then there's Chuck. Why wouldn't he just punch Russell Thorpe in the face when he revealed that he was playing Chuck for the entire time? Oh, right: Because Michael Boatman is such a bad actor, he was probably laughing too hard. Serious question time ("serious"): Why would Chuck actually trust Russell ahead of Lily. Bad form, idiot.
Wit or Wisdom: Wit.

"A Valentine can be a red hot weapon of revenge or a heartfelt apology. But whatever your Valentine's Day brings, never forget: Some years, it's a massacre."

SFX: Record scratch! So, Damien confronted Eric about some kind of blackmail revolving around Ben and Lily and perjury — never mind that Damien is a giant drug dealing douche — right after the poor kid was coming off the high of giving out free hugs for V-Day. (ADORBS!) Whatever happens in this plotline is relatively meaningless. To wit: Lily is not going to jail.
Wit or Wisdom: Wit.

OVERALL: Again, it was wit in a runaway. But what made "It-Girl Happened One Night" so wonderful was Dair. If you're a Gossip Girl fan not on-board with this one, you're wrong. Dan and Blair (and Penn Badgley and Leighton Meester) have really added a lot to Gossip Girl this year, and "It-Girl Happened One Night" featured the best moments of their courtship yet. Watching Rosemary's Baby together, over the phone, on Valentine's Day was really romantic. Legitimately. And the way it was shot — in a Rock Hudson/Doris Day-like split screen — was inventive, nuanced and smart! Dare I say, "It-Girl Happened One Night" was actually good? Like good good? I dare. XOXO, folks.