Myth, Ghost Stories and Jungle Noises In the Night: Lost Recapped

Kudos to my friend Morgan! As she wrote in the comments section last week: "Next week's Sun episode may not be as big of a snoozer as 'Ab Aeterno.' For those of us romantics who watch year after year, the separation of Sun and Jin has gone on long enough. And maybe, since they don't need 60 minutes for that they'll tie up another few loose ends (creepy kid in jungle, Rose and Bernard and more Widmore!!!)."

While "The Package" didn't actually bring Jin and Sun back together—and only tied up a few loose ends—it turns out Morgan was completely right. This was the type of episode that Lost does best: a throwback to season one filled with the mystery and gravitas of season six. And like the Sawyer-centric "Recon" from two weeks ago, I have a feeling that many fans will crap all over it for being "terrible" and "sucky." Too bad!

Chew His Eyebrows Off: Why Andy & April are the New Jim & Pam

Memory lane time: remember when Parks and Recreation tried to create an unrequited love affair between Leslie (Amy Poehler, who looked actively pregnant during "Summer Catalog") and Mark (Paul Schneider, already with one foot out the door)? Whoops. I bring this up because almost despite themselves, Michael Schur and the Parks crew has found a relationship as good or better than even the halcyon days of Jim and Pam: Andy and April.

The Only Thing Keeping the Darkness Where It Belongs: Lost Recapped

Maybe Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse should have written the mythology heavy Richard Alpert affair, "Ab Aeterno," because leaving it in the hands of Melinda Tsu Taylor and Gregg "I'm the continuity guy who doesn't actually know what continuity is" Nations, might have been a mistake. For an episode that was ostensibly supposed to be one of the best of the season—and quite possibly one of the best of the series if your name is Alan Sepinwall—I was decidedly unmoved by "Ab Aeterno" beyond thinking it was merely good. High expectations? Sure. But ask me to differentiate between last week's fabulous "Recon" and this week's "Ab Aterno" and it becomes no contest: give me Sawyer, don't give me Guyliner.

Nothing against Nestor Carbonell—who was pitch-perfect as the scared, confused and heartbroken Richard—but did anyone actually care that much about the circumstances which lead him to the Island? Didn't think so. In fact, we only really wanted to know two things—how he physically got there and why he doesn't age. And thankfully, we got our answers: via The Black Rock and some ridiculous wave out of The Perfect Storm and because he asked Jacob for eternal life so that he could never be punished for his sins.

S.S. Nose Candy: Recapping the 4 NBC Thursday Night Comedies

Guess what I didn't watch last night? The NCAA Tournament! As my knowledge of college basketball has dropped from a "10" (see: sophomore year of college) to a "1" (see: 2010), so has my interest. It's not that I won't watch at all, it's just that I'd rather watch other stuff. Namely: NBC comedies.

Isn't it funny how despite being the laughingstock of television, that NBC has so many shows that people truly love? It takes a real golden anti-touch to fail with the roster of talent that the Peacock ostensibly has in its arsenal. I'll bet most networks would love to be in business with people like Tina Fey, Steve Carell, Amy Poehler and Joel McHale. Yet NBC somehow remains the biggest loser (see what I did there?)

Anyway! Onto the mini-recaps!

Take Me to Your Leader: Lost Recapped

Twenty-four minutes into "Recon," the latest and possibly greatest episode of Lost to air this season, I sent this e-mail to one of my friends: "Sawyer doing Colin Farrell in Miami Vice + Claire going ape on Kate = total win."

And so it goes. Frankly, I felt the way about "Recon" that many people felt about "Dr. Linus" last week. It was such a well done hour of television that any problems with the final season of Lost felt totally insignificant. To paraphrase George Costanza, this is the show.

On the Road Again: Should Conan O'Brien Tour Forever?

Because no one has been writing about the Conan O'Brien nationwide comedy tour starting on April 12 in Eugene, Oregon, what better time to give my two cents!

Oh, wait. Everyone is writing about their beloved Coco. The short story is that Conan's "Legally Prohibited from Being Funny on Television Tour" (or, as Maureen Ryan suggested, "The Jay Leno Tour"), will hit 32 cities between April and June and allow all the adoring fans who didn't watch Conan when he hosted The Tonight Show to spend $65 or more on tickets to see him live. This is twisted logic that would make Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse proud.

The Only One That Will Have Him: Lost Recapped

No matter how divisive Lost has been for the last five seasons, there has always been one character everyone has can agree on: Benjamin Linus. So it should come as no surprise that in the very divisive final season, an episode called "Dr. Linus" is being hailed as "terrific" by not just Alan Sepinwall and Maureen Ryan, but by Ain't It Cool talkbackers as well.

Far be it from me to rain on the parade—after all, unity among Lost fans is like the television version of peace between Israel and Palestine—but no matter how deep my love for Michael Emerson runs, I didn't think "Dr. Linus" was terrific. Solid, sturdy and entertaining, sure, but for a Ben episode, nothing that happened really floored me. This wasn't "The Man Behind the Curtain." In fact, parts were extremely weak, saved only by Emerson and his co-stars. During Ben's big emotional showdown with Ilana, the dialogue was stiff and treacly to the point of distraction. All I could think about was, "How hard would I be laughing if these words were coming out of the mouths of Emile De Ravin and Jorge Garcia right now?"

Bombs Away: Was This the Worst Oscar Ceremony Ever?

The problem with Oscar postmortems? They're irrelevant by the time afternoon rolls around. So, considering it's well past lunch hour, this post has as much timeliness as those Betty White "For Your Consideration" ads in Variety. Still, how could I not comment on what was, as my friend called it last night, "the dullest f'n Oscars in history?"

Despite the big ratings—this was the highest rated telecast since 2005—the show could not have been worse. In fact, I'd venture to say this was my least favorite Oscars ever.

Wondering why? Check out my reasons after the jump.

Hooray for Hollywood: Oscar Predicitons

It has been kind of a banner 24 hours here at 42 Inch Television. Last night, my latest contribution to the New York Times blog, Room for Debate, was published. This particular entry centers on the Academy Awards and whether or not they promote film artistry. Put me on the side of, "Yes, they do!" because—as I mention in the piece—would anyone even know what The Hurt Locker is if it weren't for the Oscars? The non-existent box office tally tells me no.

And as if that kind of coverage weren't enough, Jeffrey Wells from Hollywood Elsewhere actually linked to the Room for Debate post and referenced both this blog and my name. Jeffrey Wells! The craziest and most around-the-bend film writer on the internets actually agrees with something I wrote. This is an honor that could have only been surpassed had he buried me instead. There is nothing more satisfying and crazypants than a good Wells rant.

Anyway, enough self-promotion! This post was really designed as an Oscar predictor. so without further adieu, here are my picks for Sundays big night.

Insurmountainable: Jim & Pam Have a Baby on The Office

There are fans of The Office that love when the show veers into the absurd, and everyone does something completely stupid... and then there's me. I don't want to pile on Alan Sepinwall any more than I have over the last month—especially after being taken to task in the comments for doing just that earlier in the week—but his thoughts on last night's episode, "The Delivery," were so diametrically opposed to mine that it's comical. The man is literally my television watching polar opposite.

Of the two parts of The Office, Sepinwall loved the first, calling it the funniest thirty minutes of any episode this season. For reference, the first portion of "The Delivery" featured the contrived attempt to keep Pam in the office for as long as possible (no matter how scared, no matter how unprepared, no matter how crappy an HMO, it felt completely implausible that Pam and Jim would act so careless with their baby's birth), Dwight propositioning Angela to have a baby (and her, ludicrously, accepting) and Dwight throwing swords and axes out of a moving car while getting pulled over by the police. For real.

Alice in Slumberland: The Awful Alice in Wonderland Reviewed

If you follow me on Twitter (and you totally should!), you already know that I reviewed Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland for the New York Observer this week. And by "review," I mean "eviscerate." Don't believe me? Here's an excerpt:

Alice in Wonderland has all of Tim Burton’s hallmarks—the silhouetted and broken tree branches, the haunting Danny Elfman score, the pasty heroine (Mia Wasikowska has an inside track on playing the lead in The Claire Danes Story)—but the film comes off like something directed by a novice who spent one too many afternoons in the Tim Burton exhibit at the Museum of Modern Art. Not one moment during the 108-minute film feels authentic.

Ouch! Though, to be fair, this film is a steaming pile. You can read the full review here or you can go buy the actual New York Observer at a newsstand (what a novel concept!).

Before you do that, though, check out this screencap from Rotten Tomatoes, where I get mentioned alongside actual film critics like A.O. Scott, David Edelstein and Roger Ebert. Yep, it feels pretty awesome to be such an obvious odd man out.

Won't Get Fooled Again: Jay Leno Returns to The Tonight Show

Meet the new boss; same as the old boss.

As you've no doubt heard, Jay Leno is once again the king of late night television. Though despite his very good ratings—Leno's first show more than doubled the average rating of Conan O'Brien's incarnation of The Tonight Show—it truly feels like the spark on this story is long gone. Whereas you couldn't go two page clicks without running into a strong opinion about Leno versus Coco—heaven knows I weighed in enough times—Leno's return has been met with a collective shrug. He's back, he's boring and he got a haircut. The end.

When I appeared as a guest on CBS Digital Radio's Doug Chat (Doug's show airs Tuesdays and Thursdays at 8 p.m. over on Chat About It), I said just about the same thing, though with a bit more eloquence. If you're interested—and come on, you know you are!—check out the interview below.

Only the Ones Who Don't Listen: Lost Recapped

You have to wonder: does Maureen Ryan still think Flocke is the good guy? Because, if so, she probably needs to stop watching television altogether. After "Sundown," when Flocke-as-Smoke-Monster laid waste to a bunch of extras inside the walls of the Temple, it's abundantly clear that not only is he the bad guy, but that he's got some soldiers. The showdown Lost has teased all season is finally coming into official focus: Jack, Hurley, Sun, Lapidus, Richard, Illana and Ben against Flocke, Sawyer, Sayid and Claire (plus a host of red shirts). Kate's on Team Flocke too, but from the daggers she shot at him—and the ones he returned in her direction—I'll go ahead and guess that their working relationship will be short-lived. (Jin's presumably also hanging around Flocke, but, like Kate, I don't see him as long-term team member.)

Of course with the exception of Kate, this is all stuff we had kinda assumed already. Is anyone actually shocked that Zombie Sayid and Crazy Jungle Claire are being positioned as bad guys? Just look at their snarky nicknames! You don't expect a zombie to be on the side of what's good and right, do you? And perhaps that's why "Sundown" was really the worst episode of Lost this year, and quite possibly one of the most boring I've seen in quite some time. For once, I can agree with the critical masses: nothing happened!