Nothing Is Irreversible: The Season Premiere of Lost Recapped

And so the premiere of Lost's final season ended with the question that everyone has probably asked themselves at one point or another during the last six years: what happened?

Well for starters—spoiler alert!—the time traveling castaways were jarred back onto their correct timeline; the record, as Daniel Faraday would say, stopped skipping. Jack's crazy plan to detonate a hydrogen bomb and reset the series failed miserably, as so much that Jack touches usually does.

Except, well, it didn't. Jack and the rest of heroes actually made it through the "turbulence" (read: electromagnetic anomaly) that crashed their plane and never wound up on Time Travel Island. The "let's erase the last five seasons by blowing things up!" theory actually worked.

Huh. As it turns out Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse decided to have their cake and eat it too. Forget flashbacks and flashforwards: at least in the short term, Lost is giving us flashreality. (Or as they prefer to call it, "flash-sideways.")

"LA X"—a title which I'm still not sure what to make of since there isn't a space in the abbreviation of Los Angeles International Airport; perhaps it alludes to the certain "off-ness" of the alterna-reality—delivered on what everyone had speculated about during the last eight months (especially after it was announced that Dominic Monaghan and Ian Somerhalder would be making appearances in the season premiere): the safe landing of Oceanic 815 in Los Angeles. But it also showed us what happened after our heroes made it back to the present day Island, a place that is now on the verge of all-out war following the murder of Jacob.

Call me crazy, but: I love this conceit. Oh sure, there were things within the premiere I could have done without—the Juliet stuff especially, which I'll get to—but by showing us different paths, we truly get to come full circle with the characters. So in this alterna-show, Jack is still an emotionally bottled good guy and not a self-centered asshole; Kate is still escaping her crimes—kidnapping pregnant Claire!—and not taking responsibility for them; Sawyer is still a remorseless wiseass and not a matured adult, crying as he buries the love of his life; Locke is lost and not, well, dead. You get the idea.

Based on "LA X" and the title for next week's episode ("What Kate Does"), it appears that we'll be on this alternative path a while. And if I know Lost, the end of the season will be a merging of these two realities. Have our heroes learned anything during the last five seasons? Can people truly change? In the battle between good (Jacob) and evil ("Esau"), that seems like the ultimate question.

And hey, look at that: I mentioned Jacob and "Esau" (who has yet to be called "Esau"). Basically everything I suggested at the end of season five came to fruition on that front. "Zombie Locke" was actually "The Man in Black" or "Esau" and he used the visage of Locke to talk Ben into killing Jacob (since the rules dictated that he couldn't do it himself). Confused yet? You shouldn't be since Ben literally spelled this out for the slow kids in the class during the premiere. We even got to see Esau Locke turn into the smoke monster and kill a bunch of Jacob's bodyguards!

(And please note: the black ash that the doomed Bram surrounded himself with was the same black ash that surrounded what we referred to for three years as "Jacob's cabin." This also reinforces my theory that it was actually "Esau's cabin" and he was trapped there until an undisclosed person broke the circle of ash.)

While I enjoyed so much of the Esau Locke stuff, it once again feels unsatisfying. To reiterate: Real Locke is dead. And after spending nearly 100 episodes with him and his "destiny," that he died a confused and pathetic pawn ("I don't understand") is heartbreaking. As bleak as I figured Lost would end up being—after all, it doesn't feel like this show could legitimately have a "happy" ending—the character arc of John Locke is beyond tragic. Kudos to Lindelof and Cuse for getting that on television—and major kudos to Terry O'Quinn for making Esau Locke a completely different character; his acting is on another level right now— yet they get a demerit for having this turn happen before the series concluded. Think about it: are we really supposed to spend the next 16 episodes watching Esau Locke battle our heroes, while Real Locke contemplates getting spinal surgery from Jack in alterna-land? I guess the Nikki and Paolo episode "Expose" was more prescient than anyone ever thought. "Locke" as the bad guy is a Mr. LaShade-like twist that still feels hard to swallow even eight months later.

Anyway, plenty more to discuss. Onto the lightning round.

1.) So that Juliet stuff happened, huh? While I'm tempted to say there wasn't one good reason to bring Juliet back to the show, other than so she could have another death scene (with another tearful goodbye from Sawyer), I think her second death will have ramifications later in the season. To wit: she told Sawyer that they could get some coffee and, later (via Miles-talks-to-dead-people convenience), that it "worked." Were those the ramblings of a dying woman or confirmation that Juliet glimpsed the alterna-reality before she died? When she shows up six weeks from now, meeting-cute with alterna-Sawyer, remember this.

1a.) Also, since we saw the Island sunken at the bottom of the ocean, does that mean Jack's hydrogen bomb detonation actually sunk everything? Was the statue broken like that in 1977? Also, since the Losties always traveled back to 1977 hasn't this alterna-reality always existed? Before your nose starts to bleed profusely, think about that last point.

1b.) Desmond wasn't on Oceanic 815, of course, but in this alterna-reality—with no Island and no button to push—he could have been a passenger. That being said, I don't think he wasn't actually on the plane at all. Perhaps Jack was seeing Desmond as some sort of connection to the other timeline. Like Juliet, maybe Desmond is traipsing between the two worlds. Need I remind you that the last time an Incident happened with the Swan station, Desmond was sent to a reality where he never left Penny in the first place ("Flashes Before Your Eyes"). His catchphrase, "See you in another life, brother," never seemed more appropriate or important.

1c.) Also, bear in mind, Jack's alterna-reality neck was bloody—thanks to his pre-hydrogen bomb ass-kicking at the hands of Sawyer—and he was the only character without a 2004-approved haircut. Everyone else—Sawyer, Kate, Hurley, Sayid—was groomed like they were in season one. That Jack wasn't stood out. It could have been bad continuity, of course, but something tells me it wasn't.

1d.) And, just wondering: maybe Oceanic can't find Christian's coffin because in this reality, Christian isn't dead? Or maybe they're just like every other airline and lost the baggage.

2.) Speaking of dying: hey, Sayid! To be fair, I didn't actually believe Sayid was dead—you don't just kill a major character like that, despite the fact that he's totally run his course—but I wonder: is Jacob reincarnated in his body, a la Esau Locke? Or is he Juliet? Or maybe he's just Sayid? Also: I loved the parallels between Jack trying to save Charlie and succeeding in season one and Jack trying to save Sayid and giving up in season six. Of all the characters, Jack is the one who has gone around the bend the most. [UPDATE: Perhaps "Sayid" is actually the reincarnated Locke. As Locke said to Jack in the alterna-reality, Oceanic "didn't lose your father, they just lost his body." So, based on that, John Locke is dead, but "John Locke" could be living on in "Sayid."]

2a.) Was that Fountain of Youth the reason that Richard and Jacob didn't appear to age? I assume they take baths in there.

2b.) Why does Esau Locke want to go home? Where does some malevolent Master of the Universe reside? Heaven? Hell? Burbank?

3.) I guess now is as good a time as any to talk about The New Others and the Temple. What the what!? Was that David Lo-Pan-meets-Mr. Miyagi guy another leader of the Others? And was John Hawkes' appropriately named "Lennon" another Richard Alpert? And did Cindy the Flight Attendant go completely native? And did we finally get an answer to the question of "what happened to the children?" About that last question: I think so. Truthfully, I wasn't that excited about this new cast of Others, but I have a feeling they'll be sufficiently insane.

4.) And while I'm on the subject of Richard (I wasn't?): Esau Locke said that it was nice to see our favorite eyeliner-wearing fella out of his chains (this was before Esau Locke beat the hell out of him). Does this mean that he came over on The Black Rock? Or, even further back: was Richard ("Ricardus" as Ilana called him last season) a slave from ancient Egypt who helped build the statue?

5.) Jacob is really dead. That's apparent (and surprising). Of course now that alterna-Claire is back in the picture, maybe Jacob is just going to wind up being reincarnated in Aaron's body. Or, as my friend Lauren suggested, perhaps he pulled an Obi-Wan. By dying has he become more powerful than anyone could imagine? From the looks of how badass Esau Locke is, let's all hope so.

6.) Sawyer kicking Jack in the face, good. Sawyer saying he was going to kill Jack, better. Sawyer deciding it would be a worse punishment to keep Jack breathing, best. Sawyer, FTW!

6a.) Not FTW? My face as I watch Lost. Take a look.