Thanks to the wonderful folks at Time Warner Cable, the first twenty-four minutes of the 35th Annual Village Halloween Parade on NY1 didn't record on my DVR. Please pause for muttered curses.
OK! Undeterred and determined to give you folks what you want, here is my running diary of the final hour of the broadcast. I hope I didn't miss anything good! (That's sarcasm; of course I didn't miss anything good. This is a NY1 broadcast after all.)
8:25: Our master of ceremonies for the evening is John Schiumo, dressed as the Middle Class... beaten, bloody and dying. Get it? Because the backbone of our country is in the crapper. Last year, John got to stay out on the street, which lead to many hilarious technical problems. This year, he's in a studio and joined by costume designer William Ivey Long, which should lead to many hilarious communications problems. In a shocking twist, the theme for tonight's parade is "Ghosts". Very out of the box.
8:27: George Whipple is back! The eyebrows! The yelling! It looks to me like he's dressed as throw rug. In keeping with tradition, he interviews some maniacs.
8:30: The best part of the Halloween Parade last year was Jill Scott. She's adorable and way too good to be working on what amounts to a hair above public access. This year she's dressed as a Sexy, albeit bundled up, Devil, complete with horns attached to her headphones. Adorable! She finds a group dressed as the Flintstones who inform her they dress like this every year for the parade. Her follow up question? "So is this your first time in the parade?" Awkward.biz.
8:34: Coming back from a break, John Schiumo asks William Ivey Long if he believes in ghosts. "I don't believe in ghosts John, but I do believe in fairies!" Insert joke here.
8:35: You'll never believe it! I just saw someone dressed as The Joker! Why didn't anyone else think of doing that this year???
8:36: In succession, NY1 shows someone dressed as a player on the Mets and someone dressed as Daniel Plainview from There Will Be Blood (great costume incidentally). That's fitting. Rarely have I wanted to see members of a team (the 2008 Mets) beaten to death with a bowling pin more in my life.
8:38: Political satire alert! Someone is walking around dressed as John McCain, holding a campaign sign that says "McCain: I'm Not Dead." Hi-larious.
8:39: This is the third commercial break since I started doing this. Are you kidding me?
8:43: Jill Scott talks to a woman who decided to be a "cereal killer". She's got boxes of cereal hanging off her body. Get it? Apparently the woman wanted to be "clever". Seriously. That's a direct quote. Did "clever" get a new definition while I wasn't looking?
8:46: I felt bad about sitting at home on a Friday night watching the Halloween Parade until I saw George Whipple interview a group of people dressed as characters from Dungeons and Dragons.
8:49: This has more commercials than an episode of L O S T.
8:54: George Whipple finally gets to interview someone normal, a woman dressed in white with a white wig. She's a "Q-Tip" and she tells Whipple it took her "five minutes" to get the costume together. Ha! Not sure why I found this charming, but I did.
8:58: John Schiumo, with the best question of the night: "What are we looking at?"
8:59: Avert your eyes kiddies! The first topless girl of the evening... and boy is she topless! This creates an amazingly awkward moment between John Schiumo and William Ivey Long. They immediately toss to George Whipple.
9:00: It is deafeningly loud on the street, but that just means that George Whipple will have to yell louder. He's talking to a bunch of people dressed in eight-foot high monster costumes. Get a job, folks.
9:05: Jill Scott interviews a dog dressed as Conan. Not O'Brien. The Barbarian.
9:06: Speaking of Ms. Scott, how does she smile that much without hurting her face?
9:10: A legitimately good costume! A girl dressed as "Purple Rain"... a purple umbrella with purple drops of rain falling off.
9:11: George Whipple just jumped up and down in excitement because he saw Wonder Woman. Turns out, she's a man.
9:12: Another great costume! Janet Leigh in the shower scene from Psycho, complete with giant shower and ketchup blood. Home run.
9:14: Good point brought up by John Schiumo and William Ivey Long... where are the Sarah Palin costumes? Is everyone already that bored with her already?
9:17: After yet another commercial break, Schiumo tosses to George Whipple who says he has someone in Sarah Palin costume with him. He doesn't. Instead he has two men dressed as characters from Moulin Rouge! leading to Whipple's best joke of the night. "I've never been to the Moulin Rouge... NOT!"
9:19: People still dress as Star Wars characters, huh?
9:21: And there's the Sarah Palin. Times two. Plus a pregnant Bristol looking suspiciously like Juno. However, I don't see any sign of Todd or Levi.
9:22: John Schiumo tells Jill Scott that she could pull off a Sarah Palin. I second that. She's hot. Unfortunately, Jill can't hear anything being said right now. She interviews a pair of drunken men dressed as Chinese gymnasts.
9:23: Ha!!! Again, Jill tells the audience she cannot hear anything. This is unbelievable. How is this on television?
9:25: NY1 continues to prove they are a top quality network. We just spent 30 seconds looking at George Whipple's back as he goes to grab some more guests.
9:26: Jill and George say goodnight. Great job as usual, guys! Meanwhile back in the studios, John Schiumo and William Ivey Long reminisce about all the great costumes of the evening.
9:27: One last shot of the parade... and what's that? Another Joker costume! I hope he doesn't run into that other guy.