I'm Not the Only Person Who Hates The Wire: The 2008 Emmy Nominees

To say I love this year's Emmy Nominations is a wild understatement. In fact, with a few exceptions, it's as if I was personally involved in the process. A record number of nominations for 30 Rock? A ridiculous sixteen nominations for the "Hansel" of television, Mad Men? Only one nomination for the final season of The Wire, AKA the "MOST IMPORTANT TELEVISION SHOW OF OUR TIME?!"

And they remembered Michael Emerson.

Swoon!

Onto the nominees.

Best Guest Actress, Comedy: Carrie Fisher, 30 Rock; Edie Falco, 30 Rock; Elaine Stritch, 30 Rock; Polly Bergan, Desperate Housewives; Kathryn Joosten, Desperate Housewives; Sarah Silverman, Monk

Best Guest Actor, Comedy: Will Arnett, 30 Rock; Shelley Berman, Curb Your Enthusiasm; Steve Buscemi, 30 Rock; Tim Conway, 30 Rock; Rip Torn, 30 Rock

What the Emmy nominations got right: I grouped these two categories together to illustrate how 30 Rock got its record number of nominations. 7 of the 17 came from these two categories. Apparently, in lieu of craft services, anybody who guest stars on 30 Rock gets an Emmy Nomination.

And what they didn't: Well, almost anybody. Thankfully, Jerry Seinfeld didn't get a nomination for single-handedly ruining the season premiere. But amazingly--irrationally actually--with all those nominations for 30 Rock guest stars, the Emmy's missed the best guest star performance on the entire show: Dean Winters. As Liz Lemon's ex-boyfriend, Winters' Dennis is the epitome of Queens, New York (take *that* cast of Entourage!) His mix of arrogance, Irishness, stupidity and crassness made every single scene he was in this past season infinitely better. I defy Rip Torn to give a better line reading than: "You think you're better than me, Jeter?!"

Prediction: It's an illusion, Michael! Will Arnett and Elaine Stritch.

Best Supporting Actress, Comedy: Kristen Chenowith, Pushing Daisies; Amy Poehler, Saturday Night Live; Jean Smart, Samantha Who?; Holland Taylor, Two and a Half Men; Vanessa Williams, Ugly Betty

What the Emmy nominations got right: Amy Poehler, Amy Poehler, Amy Poehler. No matter how unfunny SNL is on a weekly basis, Amy Poehler is hilarious. I didn't even realize SNL cast members could get Emmy nominations, but apparently they can. Looks like Chris Parnell was snubbed all those years. How excited is NBC right now? They can use the Emmy Awards as a platform to introduce mainstream America to their next cult sit-com star!

And what they didn't: I know it's a bit part, but Melora Hardin's portrayal of Jan on The Office is one of the flat-out funniest and bat-s%!t insane roles that I've ever seen. She's got to be better than Holland Taylor.

Prediction: Holland Taylor.

Best Supporting Actor, Comedy: Jon Cryer, Two and a Half Men; Kevin Dillon, Entourage; Neil Patrick Harris, How I Met Your Mother; Jeremy Piven, Entourage; Rainn Wilson, The Office

What the Emmy nominations got right: Everyone tells me I should watch How I Met Your Mother, and I never ever do. But a few weeks ago, I was on an American Airlines flight and out of sheer boredom I watched an episode. It was hilarious! How come you never told me to watch this show!??!!??!?! (Sheepishly) Oh, wait. Neil Patrick Harris has to win this. The second career he's morphed into should be a template for all child stars.

And what they didn't: Seventeen nominations for 30 Rock and we can't find room for Jack McBrayer? Really? Whereas Kevin Dillon, Jeremy Piven and Rainn Wilson are all skating along in the "Robert De Niro in Analyze That" phase of their careers, glumly parodying themselves for a paycheck, McBrayer is doing something new and fresh. He's so good that he's immediately become a cliche. I guess if 30 Rock lasts another couple of seasons and McBrayer starts phoning it in, he'll get a nomination.

Prediction: Harris.

Best Supporting Actress, Drama: Candice Bergin, Boston Legal; Rachel Griffiths, Brothers and Sisters; Sandra Oh, Grey's Anatomy; Dianne Weist, In Treatment; Chandra Wilson, Grey's Anatomy

What the Emmy nominations got right: I heart Chandra Wilson

And what they didn't: While some people will write that Elisabeth Moss got snubbed, I never thought she was such a strong part of Mad Men. However January Jones and her "Little Girl Lost" Betty Draper is a lot more subtle and introspective than you initially think. She could have easily replaced Sandra Oh, who basically got a nomination for playing a slag. And where's Katherine Heigl!? She was robbed!

Prediction: While I hope it's Chandra Wilson, because she'll surely give a great and tearful speech--complete with voice quivering!--I bet they give it to Candice Bergin ... for being old (SFX: RIM SHOT!)

Best Supporting Actor, Drama: Ted Danson, Damages; Michael Emerson, LOST; Zeljko Ivanek, Damages; William Shatner, Boston Legal; John Slattery, Mad Men

What the Emmy nominations got right: "Destiny is a fickle bitch."

And what they didn't: I know I'm a LOST cheerleader, but there wasn't any love for Henry Ian Cusick? The most emotional moments of LOST's impeccable fourth season occurred when he was on screen. And while I love John Slattery's nomination for Mad Men, I find it hard to believe that his castmate Vincent Kartheiser was left off the list in favor of Andre Drazen from Season One of 24.

Prediction: The only way Michael Emerson doesn't win this award is if William Shatner is nominated. Oh, crap.

Best Actress, Comedy: Christina Applegate, Samantha Who?; America Ferrara, Ugly Betty; Tina Fey, 30 Rock; Julia-Louise Dreyfus, The New Adventures of Old Christine; Mary-Louise Parker, Weeds

What the Emmy nominations got right: Granted, I'm biased because I want to marry Tina Fey, but she was the glue that held 30 Rock together this year. Plus she can eat a sandwich in one take, without any cuts, in about 20 seconds.

And what they didn't: Did the DVD copies of Desperate Housewives not get to the Emmy voters? How Marcia Cross didn't get a nomination is absurd to me. I guess she was too funny, biting, smart and brilliant to get any attention.

Prediction: Everyone loves Tina Fey.

Best Actor, Comedy: Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock; Steve Carell, The Office; Lee Pace, Pushing Daisies; Tony Shalhoub, Monk; Charlie Sheen, Two and a Half Men

What the Emmy nominations got right: I know it might seem logical that Steve Carell got a nomination for The Office, since he is one of the most beloved actors on television, but I still want to give the Emmy voters credit. In a season of The Office which was completely up and down in tone and quality, Steve Carell took everything the writers threw at him and put his all into it. Sure, he suffered with the rest of us when Michael drove into a lake, but watch the "Dinner Party" episode again and try to tell me that Carell isn't a master thespian.

And what they didn't: I'm just tired of seeing Tony Shaloub nominated for every award. Outside of my father, does anyone even watch Monk? I realize there aren't a lot of great lead male comedy roles for actors, but can't we find someone else?

Prediction: Alec Baldwin you are a rude, thoughtless little pig.

Best Actress, Drama: Glenn Close, Damages; Sally Field, Brothers and Sisters; Mariska Hargitay, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit; Holly Hunter, Saving Grace; Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer

What the Emmy nominations got right: In case you were wondering where middle aged actresses go to die, look no further than television. This looks like a category my mother would love. With the exception of Damages, everything here is a "Mom show."

And what they didn't: I literally cannot think of one other actress deserving of a nomination. If there is a sadder commentary on the state of dramatic roles for women in Hollywood, I haven't seen one.

Prediction: Glenn Close

Best Actor, Drama: Gabriel Byrne, In Treatment; Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad; Michael C. Hall, Dexter; Jon Hamm, Mad Men; Hugh Laurie, House; James Spader, Boston Legal

What the Emmy nominations got right: My friend Tony tells me that Michael C. Hall is the best thing on earth in Dexter, so I'm going to assume he's really great even though I don't watch the show regularly. And while I doubt Jon Hamm will win, it's a joy to see him nominated. He's so flawless and effortless--an Everyman barely clutching onto the side of his life--that I would not have been surprised to see him get snubbed. In a category with blustery scenery chewers like James Spader and Hugh Laurie, it's nice to see a quiet role get nominated.

And what they didn't: How much more maniacal, obsessive and creepy does Matthew Fox have to get before he gets any credit? He's the best lead actor on television that no one seems to want to recognize. Maybe it's because he's an asshole.

Prediction: James Spader beat James Gandolfini for this award last year, in the final year of The Sopranos. You think he isn't going to defeat Jon Hamm?

Best Comedy Series: Curb Your Enthusiasm; Entourage; The Office; 30 Rock; Two and a Half Men

What the Emmy nominations got right: The only comedy here truly deserving of a nomination is 30 Rock. Everything else was either awful (Curb) or wildly and inconsistently mediocre (Entourage and The Office.) I'm just going to ignore that Two and a Half Men even got nominated.

And what they didn't: This is will sound crazy, but I defy someone to tell me that Curb Your Enthusiasm, Entourage and Two and a Half Men were funnier than Gossip Girl. "I'm Chuck Bass" was better than any punchline that those three shows had cumulatively this past year.

Prediction: Duh. 30 Rock.

Best Drama Series: Boston Legal; Damages; Dexter; House; L O S T; Mad Men

What the Emmy nominations got right: I loved Mad Men, but there was nothing better on television this past year than LOST. So that nomination is well deserved. And while I'll readily admit that I'm not a fan of The Wire (and that I didn't even watch the first four seasons), one thing is certain: The Wire's fifth and final season sucked. I'm glad the Emmy voters didn't succumb to peer pressure and nominate it to make up for its past snubs.

And what they didn't: What is with this fetish for Boston Legal?

Prediction: Mad Men. You don't get a cover story in the "Sunday Times Magazine" and lose the Emmy Award to House. I just made that rule up, but it sounds good, no?