Karma Police: Lost Recapped

Let's flashback to last week, shall we? Here's what I wrote about the craptastic Juliet episode:

It just felt like the episode that you burn through on the DVD to get to the infinitely cooler next episode when you find out that Michael, in a twist that everyone has seen coming for weeks, is the Ben's man on the boat!!!!

And make no mistakes, that's who is on the boat. I'd bet a lot on that. The way they set it up tonight, with Ben telling Locke to "sit down," combined with the ABC promo at the end of the show proclaiming that the man on the boat is a person "you never thought you'd see again," all but clinches it. I can't wait to see Harold Perrineau pop up with a new haircut next week just before the trombone crashes into the LOST title card at the end of the episode. It won't be particularly surprising, but it will guarantee to be positively awesome.

Okay, so I was wrong about the timing. It didn't happen at the very end of the episode. Instead, it actually happened right before the last commercial break of the hour. Sue me.

But regardless of my misplaced time line, there he was: Harold Perrineau in a gray hoodie and a new haircut, mopping up a bunch of blood, calling himself "Kevin Johnson," and pretending to not know Sayid and Desmond.

And yes, though I've seen this coming for a solid month, it was still positively awesome. I laughed and smacked at my couch for a good thirty seconds after his arrival. Michael, the man who murdered Libby (remember her?) and Ana Lucia (how about her?) and who left the Island on a tiny boat with Walt in tow is now back. Nevermind that Michael left roughly a month ago and he's already got a new identity, job and hairstyle. Nevermind that Walt is nowhere to be found, unless you count his visits to Locke on the Island. The man who sold out his friends is now back and working for Ben, happily performing janitorial duties and sabotaging whatever he can get his hands on--engines, radios, what have you.

Looking for Michael the entire episode, I actually loved how he appeared about fifteen minutes before his official reveal. There he was with a group of extras looking over the side of the boat when Zoe Bell's Regina jumped to her death. He was the guy with his hood up, if you care to go back and watch that scene again on your DVR.

Speaking of Zoe Bell, in the race to see which guest star could die fastest, she was certainly the winner, beating both Marsha Thomson's Naomi and Fisher Stevens' Minkowski. Seriously, she might have appeared on screen for roughly 56 seconds. And yes, in case you're wondering, I did expect her to pop back out of the water and sing-song: "I'm okay!"

Anyway, enough Michael for now, especially since it looks like next week's final episode before the month hiatus is going to be completely devoted to "Kevin Johnson." It is after all called, "Meet Kevin Johnson." So we'll have plenty of time to find out what the hell happened to Michael and how he's back at the Island so soon after leaving.

The other big happening of the night was the cute little parlor trick that LOST managed to pull, having both a flash-forward and a flash-back bookend the episode. And naturally the only way a conceit like this could be possible, is if it happened during a Sun and Jin episode.

I hate to sound like a know-it-all, but once again, like with Aaron being Kate's "son," I saw the tragic Jin ending coming.

Don't worry, it didn't stop me from crying as Sun and gheri-curled Hurley visited Jin's grave with baby Ji-Yeon in hand, but I did see it. What can I say? You could tell something was off from the way the doctor and nurses kept reacting to Jin's request for Sun. After The Sixth Sense, there should really be a moratorium on those bizarrely off looks that people give when a person calls out for a dead loved one. You know the look: pity, mixed with sadness, mixed with fear.

LOST even did that last year in the season finale when Jack was calling out for his dead dad in the flash-forward, so they actually should get some flack for going back to that well within seven episodes of themselves. I mean seriously, come up with a new trick.

It also didn't help that I Google searched "Year of the Dragon," after the shopkeeper told Flash-back Jin that he could bring a dragon doll to the hospital since it was the Year of the Dragon. Well, the last Year of the Dragon ended in January 2001, and the next one occurs in 2012. So unless Jin and Sun were preparing for their second child, I knew something was really fishy about his whole panda bear comedy tour.

But that's all irrelevant. What really matters is that the final moments of this episode were easily the best of the fourth season. It was everything I love about LOST punched into one sharp scene. It had genuine emotion that made me tear up, thanks in no small part to the music cue. I defy anyone to come up with a better musical score piece than Michael Giacchino's "Life and Death" which has accompanied it's fair share of emotional LOST moments. (I suggest going right now and listening to that song. It's amazing.)

It finally answered the questions about the Oceanic Six, which for the record, have to be: Jack, Kate, Hurley, Sayid, Sun and Aaron. It asked more questions, like why was the date on Jin's tombstone September 22nd, 2004? I guess we can assume he's still alive and left behind on the Island, though that just seems like it would be cheap and silly, especially since Sun was carrying on like her beloved husband was dead. Or we can assume that his death was all part of the elaborate lie that Jack and company have been purveying since their rescue. (I loved how Hurley was completely happy that no one else was showing up to see Sun's baby--he seemed genuinely disgusted at the prospect of seeing the others.)

The tombstone scene sets up one of two scenarios: either we're going to be treated to an awesomely emotional scene where Jin sacrifices himself to save Sun and his unborn child. Or we're going to get to see Sun and Jin reunited at the end of the series. In either case, one thing is certain: I'm going to cry my eyes out.

After two straight head-scratchers, this was the LOST I've come to love. And I'm shocked, because usually I hate Sun and Jin episodes. But this one was different. Hell, this one even featured a great little scene between Bernard and Jin that packed a great punch. Bernard, you are a good guy! The Karma Police will be kind to you. Or at least I hope they will. Even though he's not one of the Six, I do want to see Bernard (and Rose) survive.

This was my favorite episode of the year and I haven't even touched on half of it: Sayid and Desmond meeting with the ship's captain (Black box? Ben staging a crash? Clown car time), Desmond finding out Charles Widmore owns the boat, Juliet getting bitch-slapped, Jack eating cereal and Frank taking the helicopter out for a "errand" (whosawhat? Did the boat run out of milk?)

It was so good, I'll even forgive the pat way they handled Jin forgiving Sun for her extra martial transgressions, just because even that scene was hopelessly romantic and really excellent. (If Elliot Spitzer watched this episode, I'm sure he wished forgiveness like that happened so easily in real life.)

One last thing: I think Michael is in the coffin. I know it might sound weird, since we've already had one reveal with Michael involved, but it's true. He's in the coffin as "Kevin Johnson." That's why no one was at his funeral. No one knows who the hell "Kevin Johnson" is. Well, I mean you know Kevin Johnson as the point guard from the Suns who you loved playing with in NBA Jam, but in the LOST-iverse, "Kevin Johnson" is no one.

So yeah, he's in the coffin. And I think Kate still hates him (hence her recoiling at the thought of going to his funeral) and Jack knows Michael had a way to get back to the Island (hence his suicidal despair.)

Now you can take this with a grain of salt, since I wrote earlier in the year that Ben was in the coffin, but with my hit-rate lately, you almost have to believe me. I'm like the Juliet of the internets. You don't want to trust me, but a part of you certainly does.

Trombone swell...

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