Thursday Night Raw

Despite a successful move to Thursday nights, the third season of Grey's Anatomy had to be considered somewhat of a mess.

Behind the scenes, it was a nightmare of epic proportions, playing out like a distaff version of The Bronx is Burning. No one was happy with their contracts and the disputes worked their way into the press; a lot of cast members grew insanely jealous of Kate Walsh when she was given her very own spin-off, the horrendous Private Practice; and, of course, Isaiah Washington called T.R. Knight--well, you know, it rhymes with maggot.

What I Learned: Manic Monday

Five television shows. One night. For a normal person, this might be too much to ask. Thankfully I'm not normal. Armed with my DVR and a limited social calendar, I decided to tackle the unenviable task of watching five shows in one night. Here's what I learned:

DAMNIT!!!

The biggest television news of the day isn't that Gossip Girl is premiering in just mere hours. OK, that's definitely the most exciting/awesome/anticipated/fantastic news of the day, but it's not the "biggest."

No, that title goes to the news that broke this afternoon at around 2PM concerning Fox's old war horse 24.

OK, here it goes. I hope you're sitting down.

Fox announced that when the seventh season starts on Sunday, January 13th, 2008, Tony Almeida and his Cubs mug will make their "triumphant return" to the show as Jack Bauer's long suffering sidekick.

Sit-che-ation Comedy

There was much trepidation on my part about the third season of Prison Break. Seriously, how could a show that was clearly supposed to end after two seasons--just ask creator Paul T. Scheuring who has said as much in countless print interviews--carry on for a third without becoming, well, terrible?

What I Learned

First thing: Penny from LOST likes hand jobs

HBO's newest bomb, Tell Me You Love Me, is weird. No, check that, did I say "weird?" I meant "bad." But that being said, I have to admit that I actually did find some parts of this amazingly pretentious, smug and boring show pretty fascinating. And no, I'm not talking about the scene towards the end when Sonya Walger (Penny from LOST) gives her husband a hand job. And not just any hand job, but a hand job wherein you see her husband's, umm, linus. Tell Me You Love Me's pilot episode took a faux-documentary look at three couples in various stages of duress and boredom drapped around various graphic sexual encounters fresh out of a Vivid film. You have the aforementioned "Hand Job Couple," who are married and having problems conceiving. You have the "Married with Children and Sexless" couple who are having problems because they're sexless. And you have the "Almost Married and Stupid" couple who are having problems because they're both complete and utter idiots. And basically that's it. These couples fight. Then have sex and/or talk about not having sex. Then fight some more. Then give each other the silent treatment. Rinse and repeat. I guess what I liked about it most was how it was filmed. It all had a very verite feel to it--think Husbands and Wives plus Traffic minus the jump cuts. As a piece of art, the show looks fantastic since so much of what's on screen is filmed in natural light with a hand-held camera. As an entertaining television program, it fails miserably, mostly because of a script that manages to make thirtysomething look fresh. I don't think I'll watch another episode of Tell Me You Love Me, but I will always remember it as the hand job show.

Fall TV Preview, Part 4

Thank God for ABC. Whether or not their slate of new shows this Fall is going to be any good is irrelevant to me. The reason is simple: unlike the other three networks, ABC has no less than eight (!!!!) new scripted shows debuting this season. They're actually trying. What a novel concept to not stack your lineup with a bunch of hack reality shows--cough, Fox, cough.

The Professional

Is it possible for Mary-Louise Parker to just get her Emmy Award right now? I swear to God, she is bar none, the most interesting, exceptional and constantly surprising actress working on television today. Though the first two episodes in this season of Weeds were more than terrible, mixing the worst parts of farce and broad comedy into a completely frustrating stew, the one constant was Ms. Parker's Nancy Botwin. She managed to inject grace, smarts and class into even the most hackneyed plot strands.

And Like That, It's Gone

The curtain finally fell on the Endless Summer that was Entourage with Johnny Drama having sex on a beach, with an admittedly good looking French lass, while being cheered on by Vince, Eric, Turtle, Ari and hundreds of others.

It was as ridiculous as it reads.

It was also probably only the fourth or fifth most ridiculous moment of the slightly extended--to 35 minutes--episode. The season finale was filled with so much of what I dislike about Entourage that it was actually almost comical and yet thanks to Ari, Adam Goldberg and some potential conflict which actually might not be resolved so smoothly, I found myself enjoying it.