Spin City

In preparation for the season finale of The Office, it's time to look at the spin-off options.

So you're NBC. You have this water cooler friendly sit-com, starring a legitimate movie star that both critics and the desirably younger demographics genuinely love. But then in the fourth season, you decide to spread the episodes too thin by making more hour-longs than a normal fan would deem necessary. And between those rough episodes and the WGA Strike things have really hit a dry spell.

So what do you?

Well, of course you order a spin-off series!!!

Oh wait, that's a terrible idea.

Now, you and I know that. But clearly NBC doesn't. Which should come as no surprise, since obviously no one ever accused NBC and Ben Silverman of having a clue. I guess he felt that since Private Practice worked out so well for ABC, that an Office spin-off would work just as well. Never mind that Private Practice sucked big time and, as a result of Shonda Rhimes splitting her duties between it and Grey's, the flagship show suffered immensely too.

Anyway, it's happening. What's worse is that you know we're all going to watch it. At least initially.

Sigh.

Well the big question regarding the show, besides "why is this going to be on the air," is "who's it going to be starring?!" It's one secret that has managed to stay secret.

Here's how I think it all breaks down.

OFF THE BOARD
Michael, Dwight and Jim/Pam

There is no chance that any of these characters get spun-off.

Michael and Dwight *are* The Office. It literally doesn't even exist without them. I won't even dignify the thought of either of them being the focus of the spin-off with another sentence.

Meanwhile, though the last few weeks have painfully teased the removal of both Jim and Pam from the show--Jim could get fired! Pam might move to Philly! Or New York!--how could that ever happen? If Michael and Dwight are The Office's head, Jim and Pam are it's heart (awww, I'm such a corny idiot, aren't I?) And though I'm sure something will happen to keep our two lovebirds from really achieving that "happily ever after" life until the series finale, I doubt it will be splitting them between shows.

SO YOU'RE TELLING ME THERE'S A CHANCE!
Toby, Daryl, Karen, Ryan

A television series about Toby would be terrible. I agree with Michael on this. Toby sucks. He's annoying, his voice is ever-so-whiny and completely grating. If I had to stare at his hang-dog face for 30 minutes every week, well, I just wouldn't even do it. However, everything is set-up for Toby to be the spin-off character--the finale is based on Toby's goodbye party. Still, I think it's too obvious and also too hard of a sell. You aren't going to hitch your spin-off wagon to the guy who's had 50 lines of dialogue in four seasons.

Daryl would be fun. First, who doesn't love Craig Robinson. And (b), having a more blue collar setting would create a whole new dimension of comedy that is barely thought about on The Office. But again, Daryl is almost too fringe of a character. Does anyone really care about him? Plus, if he leaves, we end up missing out on all the amazingly awkward and hilarious interactions he has with Michael.

Personally, I think Karen's branch of Dunder-Mifflin would make for a great show. You'd have a different look with a woman in charge, which would certainly be welcome and less misogynistic. And I think Rashida Jones is an extremely charming actress (and extremely gorgeous), so I'd be down to watch her for 30 minutes every week. As an added bonus, during sweeps, Jim could show up for a meeting and create a whole bunch of awkwardness. Still, Karen might be too "out-of-sight, out-of-mind." And Rashida Jones probably has better things to do.

Here's the pitch: Ryan gets a job way over his head, grows a beard, uses terms like "wunderkind" and gets a recreational drug problem. We can call it the "Ben Silverman Story."

THE DARKHORSE
Kelly

Clearly there is less than a zero percent chance that Kelly Kapoor would get her own show. Mindy Kaling isn't famous. Kelly has had less screen time than Toby. Her character is almost a total non-factor. And yet despite all of that, I would literally watch Kelly/Mindy Kaling sit at her desk, reading e-mails. If there has ever been a better portrayal of a 20-something woman, raised on Sex and the City, US Weekly and The Hills, I have never seen it. You could call it "Kelly Goes to Work" and just follow her around, faux-reality style. It's way too out of the box, and probably a terrible idea, since Kelly could very easily be a dish best served in small portions. But hey, a boy can dream.

THE FAVORITE
Andy

Andy is the obvious and perfect choice for a spin-off. His character is very funny. Ed Helms is a borderline well-known actor. And he's been totally underutilized since joining the show, since he's equal parts Michael and Dwight. On his own, he could be deadly funny. And honestly, an Ed Helms lead show could be like a less successful version of Frasier (and that's not a diss.) It all screams spin-off, one that I could actually see being good. Or at least passable. It's so obvious, that it might as well be the ending of The Village (of course they are in modern times!!!!!!) Come this Fall, we'll all be going home, getting our beer on and getting our Office 2: Electric Boogaloo on. It's a fait accompli.

Brick Killed a Guy

The latest episode of Gossip Girl sets things up for the finale.

This wasn't a great episode of Gossip Girl. It just wasn't. They dragged out the big reveal that Serena "killed someone," almost inexplicably, since we already KNEW she killed someone at the end of the last episode. And then, she didn't really kill anyone, she just gave the almost-date-rapist dude (is there any other kind of dude in the Gossip Girl universe?) his last line of coke. Which, in turn, lead to the hilarious and tearful line of dialogue from Serena: "Mom, I gave him the line that killed him!!!!!!!"

I don't know, I loved this episode, but I didn't. It was kinda boring, kinda slow and then almost irrationally fast. In fact, watching the penultimate episode, I finally realized the difference between Gossip Girl and the creatively superior O.C.

(Yes, I just wrote that the O.C. was "creatively superior" to something--Do something.)

The Twitter version of things is this: on The O.C., I actually cared about the characters.

I really liked Seth and Ryan and Sandy and Kirsten. I rooted for them. I laughed with them. And yeah I'll say it, I cried with them too.

With Gossip Girl it's totally different. When you get right down to it: Dan's a total idiot, Serena a self-involved flake, Vanessa a total bitch, Jenny a total bitch, and on and on. Outside of Rufus and Lily (who, let's be honest, pale in comparison to Sandy and Kirsten) and Blair and Chuck (who I love because they are just so awful), the characters are just fodder. I can't even imagine a scenario where I'd cry watching an episode of Gossip Girl.

I mean, come on! What do you take me for? (Don't answer that.)

Now this doesn't mean the show isn't amazing. It is the Greatest Show Ever (TM, NY Mag), after all. It's just very disposable. Gossip Girl is like listening to Z100. And I love listening to Z100. But is there really anything behind that new Duffy song, other than an awesome hook?

It's because of that disposable nature though, that Gossip Girl is a trailblazing television series. It has managed to capture the frivolity of reality television and put it inside the narrative world. Josh Schwartz really has learned from the mistakes he made with The O.C. It's not just the way he's expanded the universe of Gossip Girl to levels that The O.C. only dreamed of. It's that by excising all of the emotional stuff, all of the real touching moments that were the hallmark of every O.C. episode, he's created a slim, lean and mean variation on the teen genre that has captured the zeitgeist. This is reality television, with prettier actors and better scripts.

Sure the ratings suck, but has any show received more ink during this television season? Not even close. And I think in the end, whereas The O.C. saw it's ratings tumble after the first season, Gossip Girl will see a steady rise. I think it'll be like The Hills. When that show started, it was like, "hey, that's a Laguna Beach spin-off, right?" Now, it's getting higher ratings than anything else on MTV and John McCain is name dropping it on campaign stops. The very fact that it is effortless and fluffy will draw more people in.

Anyway, next week brings us the season finale of Gossip Girl, the last chance to see our favorite UES coke users until August. Some things to look forward to on the finale:

1.) Lily is totally marrying Bart Bass. If you think she's going to end up with Rufus, you clearly have never watched television.

2.) Dan is an idiot. And while I'm sure he'll get hip to the whole "Georgina/Sarah is really a psycho bitch" thing, it's not going to save his relationship with Serena. I'm sure they'll go into the summer hiatus broken up, just like I'm sure Dan will pull a Seth (minus all the charm) and stand on a coffee cart in the middle of school to get her back.

3.) My friend told me that she heard someone OD's in the finale. I'm guessing it's Jenny. Sure she had her little meltdown already, but she seems ripe for some kind of drug use. And since they had a bunch of 16-year-olds ripping lines in this past episode, why not have a 14-year-old doing it in the finale. Up your game, guys!

4.) Nate and Vanessa will continue to date, but Blair will totally make out with Nate before the end of the season finale. And Vanessa will probably see it. Area code: PISSED off.

5.) Some character--Serena's brother?--will go away for the summer, setting up their "Kaitlin Cooper" like return next fall. "Next week on a very special Gossip Girl, you'll never believe who comes back to cause some trouble!"

Sand Trap

The Office limps towards it's season finale.

Season Four of the The Office, from back in October of last year up until last night, has felt like watching the 2008 Yankees play. Yeah the episodes aren't as good as those halcyon days of Season Two, but they still have the same faces and talent--things just feel a little older, a little more tired and not nearly as good.

Occasionally, the stars align and an episode comes out of the shoot that makes you remember why you loved the show in the first place. Michael's deposition, the Dinner Party and Michael's night out in New York were all episodes that had the wit, heart and pathos which made The Office, The Office.

Too often though, things have fallen flat. You can blame the Strike for stopping the flow of the show if you want. But it goes deeper than that. It's the way the show is being written. The characters are all over the map. Michael was always the daft idiot that deep down you felt bad for because he was trying so hard and he only wanted a hug. This season however, he's ping-ponged between Homer Simpson, empathetic loser and David Brent's asshole cousin with such fervor that I'm surprised Steve Carell can keep his head on straight. It's like he's playing a different person each week.

Meanwhile, on the romance front, does anyone even care about Jim and Pam anymore? Bringing them together hasn't been a total disaster, but it just doesn't work. Last night being a prime example. In the past, the tension between Jim and Pam would result in some castrating missed opportunity for one of the two star-crossed lovers. Things would be left unsaid, actions would not take place, and around and around they'd go. That tension kept the episodes moving from week to week. But last night, what the hell happened? The big problem was that Jim wasn't going to close an account? Who cares?! And then Jim and Pam actually kissed in the office?

OMFG?!?!??!?! How scandalous!

Or not. As Michael said two weeks ago, "that's still going on?"

To a man and woman, the fourth season has seen all the characters take weird dives to caricature land. Creed. Kevin. Stanley. Meredith. Even beloved Darryl. All of them are playing sit-com versions of the characters we've come to know and love over the past three seasons, and I think it's because the writing has just gotten really lazy.

In fact, the only character who is being written properly is Kelly. Kelly is amazing. She's maybe had 10 lines the entire season and each of them has been absolutely perfect. I've already gushed about her all-time classic line "I have a question--how dare you?" but last night she almost topped it. I say "almost" because it would be impossible to top the scorned vitriol of her line delivery for that gem.

But when she spotted her current boyfriend Daryl dressed up in a shirt and tie, Kelly cooed about how he looked just like Barack Obama. And then, as if she needed to underscore what she just said, she squealed "I'm dating Barack Obama."

Hilarious.

Hilarious for so many reasons.

Of course Kelly would swoon over Barack Obama, even though she probably doesn't know one thing about him except that Oprah likes him. Of course Kelly would think her African-American boyfriend would look like him because he was wearing a tie. Of course she would say something just like that.

That's the type of simple character writing that The Office used to excel in. That's what I hope they'll recover for the season finale next week. Because, like the 2008 Yankees, there's always the chance their next game could be absolutely perfect.

Destiny is a Fickle Bitch

The kinda-penultimate LOST rewrites some of the rules and proves to be a little annoying.

I remember a long time ago reading Roger Ebert's review of The Usual Suspects. It frustrated me to no end, because one of my all-time favorite movies was royally panned by one of the more respected film critics in the entire history of film criticism. However, like all good reviews, the pan stuck with me. It wasn't until tonight's episode of LOST that I truly understood what he was talking about. In the review, he wrote:

The story builds up to a blinding revelation, which shifts the nature of all that has gone before, and the surprise filled me not with delight but with the feeling that the writer, Christopher McQuarrie, and the director, Bryan Singer, would have been better off unraveling their carefully knit sleeve of fiction and just telling us a story about their characters - those that are real, in any event. I prefer to be amazed by motivation, not manipulation.

Carlton Cuse and Damon Lindelof can certainly be accused of manipulation. It's what makes LOST click. We sit there each week, trying to crack the uncrackable puzzle, so distracted by four-toed statues, smoke monsters and Freighter Folk that we are blind to the things happening right in front of our face--like flash-forwards.

The show is one big parlor trick, and we love getting fooled by it each and every episode.

But this season, the tricks have been getting easier to crack. I've been on top of nearly every single reveal, and a cursory view around the internets show that I'm clearly not alone. Ben being Sayid's "Man Behind the Curtain," Sun and Jin being in different time periods, Aaron being Kate's "son," and of course, Michael being Ben's "man on the boat." All of them were telegraphed from a mile away.

Now, perhaps that's because in the three season's watching LOST I've become trained to look for the twists--it's why M. Night Shyamalan's directorial career has pretty much completely ended (though The Happening looks pretty scary, I can't help but think it's hocus-pocus faux-environmental message will sabotage whatever good movie lies within.) Or perhaps it's because the twists are getting kinda lousy.

Recently, I read something made me cock an eyebrow in question. I apologize because I can't find it, but the long and short of it was that Carlton Cuse and Damon Lindelof actually tried to suggest that they intentionally made some of the "a-HA!" moments more decipherable for viewers because they didn't want us little old audience members to feel left out.

Uh-huh.

Sure you did.

That kind of statement is revisionist history. That kind of statement is pure manipulation of the facts at hand. That kind of statement would be at home in a twist like Kevin Spacey being Keyser Soze (spoiler alerts lose their statute of limitations after five years.)

That kind of statement was indicative of this entire episode.

Did I like this episode? Sure, of course. It is virtually impossible to dislike an episode that featured Michael Emerson uttering the line of the entire series: "There are consequences to being chosen. Because destiny, John, is a fickle bitch."

Oh and in addition to that gem, LOST finally created a bad guy worthy of Patchy's good eye. Kevin Durand's Keamy is such a horrendous and awful person, I literally cannot wait to see him straight up murdered. I'm talking "Brick throwing a trident into a guy" murdered.

But for every great moment, there was a total cheat. Let me do my very own flashback. Cue the Flashback Sound Effect.

SFX: Flashback Swoosh.

Thanks.

Okay, remember in Season One, when Locke was determined to go on a Walkabout? And then he was in a wheelchair? And he famously cried "don't tell me what I can't do!" as the music swelled and I teared up. Wait, forget that last part. But you know what I'm talking about?

That episode was the moment when LOST went from "this show is pretty cool" to "holy f%@#, this is the best show everrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!" In the canon of LOST, that episode is the arc of the covenant. You don't screw around with the memory of that episode. You just don't. But unfortunately, Carlton Cuse and Damon Lindelof totally did by having a paralyzed Locke get hipped to the whole Walkabout thing by Creepy Matthew Abaddon (Lance Reddick, still the scariest motherf#@$er in the room.) And, well, that's just total BS.

When "Walkabout" was written, there isn't a chance in hell the writers thought far ahead enough to have Matthew Abaddon be the spark for it. I understand things change and the show is fluid and all that jazz, but come on. Seeing a scene like that makes me think that these guys really don't know what they're doing. In fact this whole episode felt like a quick fix to the many plot holes that are coming around the bend both at the end of this season and also in the future--I'm talking about things like Locke's "real" dad being Christian Shepherd (Locke's Grandmother: "Emily, he's twice your age!")

If you've painted yourself into such a corner that you have to go back and give Locke this fantastical backstory where he met not only Matthew Abaddon, but also Richard Alpert and Mittelos Biolabs, you're doing something wrong. This episode was a cheat. It's what Roger Ebert hated about The Usual Suspects. It makes you go back and re-think a lot of what you've already assumed to be true. Now, it works like gangbusters in a two-hour movie. But when you've invested some 60 hours into a show, it's a little frustrating. It's not that this episode ruined anything in LOST. It's just that I kinda don't trust them anymore. If you can go back and give Locke a new motive to go on the Walkabout and also introduce him as someone the Island was looking for since his birth, well why can't you turn Hurley into Jacob?

And yeah, I know, LOST has been doing stuff like this for a long time--The Others, The Tailies, The Freighter Folk, etc.--but tonight just felt really manipulative and easy.

Anyway, maybe, like destiny, I'm just being a fickle bitch. Or maybe, I finally appreciate that Roger Ebert Usual Suspects review, some thirteen years later.

Some other lingering stuff from tonight's episode:

1.) Best moment of the episode: Ben and Hurley sharing a candy bar. It's those little character grace notes that make LOST the best show on television.

2.) So Christian, who incidentally isn't really Jacob (or so he says), wants Locke to move the Island. Which is awesome. And ridiculous. And awesome. And it also explains why Future Charles Widmore, Jack and everyone else can't find the Island in the flash-forward world. No wonder Future Widmore can't kill Future Ben.

3.) You know who's weird? Claire. What's her deal? I'm assuming she's dead. Or high. Or concussed. But whatever is going on with her, she's a lot cooler now that she's acting all crazy. I much prefer it to her "Chaaaaaaaaalie" whining.

4.) Jack was only in the episode for two minutes, and he still managed to make yet another terrible decision. "I think they want us to follow them." Jack, you are an idiot and I love you for it.

5.) On a related note: Who else is excited to see Jack's stitches split open like he's Roy Hobbs at the end of The Natural? Because I am.

6.) I think I get it. The boat and the Island are on two different time plains. Or something. But we already established that when Zoe Bell fired the load missile at Jeremy Davies. Can we get to the point already? Still, seeing the doctor get his throat slit was pretty bad ass.

7.) Sayid is going to bring back the Oceanic Six. But how does Hurley end up with them? And what happens to poor Desmond?

8.) Michael is still on this show? Really? How come? If I had to guess, I'm going to assume he sacrifices himself at the end of the season to save his friends. It's really the only play he has left.

9.) When Christian asked Locke what was the one question he should be asking, I'm glad Locke didn't ask what the Smoke Monster was again. Well played, Locke. Well played.

Marry Me!

Jack, pills, booze, yelling, crying. This should be awesome, right?

Wrong.

I'm going to get this out of the way: this episode should have been better. It's not that it wasn't good, but it wasn't really what I've come to expect from a "Jack episode." If watching LOST has taught me anything, it's that when Jack episodes are good, they are the best of the series. But when Jack episodes are bad, they are just terrible (I'm still licking my wounds from the tattoo episode with Bai Ling.)

Tonight's episode fell somewhere in the middle.

Sure there were great Matthew Fox moments. That almost goes without saying. He spent most of the night popping pills and chasing them with beer. Plus he was so full of hubris and ego, he demanded to be awake during his island-filler appendectomy. And then of course there was the tortured emoting and messianic soliloquies that he spouted at Kate, like when he told her he "saved her."

But there was something missing.

Maybe it was the pacing. I'm all for LOST speeding through plot points and developments, but this particular episode felt really rushed. If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say that most of the two hours that Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse had to excise because of the WGA Strike occurred in this episode. Think about how fast and confusingly things happened.

Take Jack and Kate: for those keeping score at home, Jack went from being a "surprise witness" at Kate's trial, to living with Kate and Aaron, to proposing to Kate, to completely blowing up their relationship, in what seemed like a little over a week. I realize the show can't spend multiple episodes dealing with the Jack-Kate, post-Oceanic Six relationship, but still, things could have moved a little slower for my taste.

Also rushed was Jack's prescription pill addiction, which had some nice foreshadowing laid down during the last episode. Maybe I'm being naive, but I don't think one little hallucination of Christian Shepherd would lead to Jack being a full fledged mess a week later. It's not even like Christian talked to Jack about what a mistake he made, a la Dead Charlie (!?!?!?!?) talking to Hurley. He just showed up, said Jack's name and then disappeared into the ether. And then in the very next scene, Jack's five bottles deep in booze and pills? It was just too much. Jack descended into booze faster than Kirsten Cohen did after Caleb died (cue "Fix You.")

And speaking of Hurley, I was long in the mindset that Jorge Garcia could only play big, stupid and lovable, but apparently that mindset was dead wrong. If the fourth season of LOST has proved anything, it's that Garcia has a whole other level of talent that has only seen it's surface scratched. Sure, he was ill-equipped to make the big "live together, die alone"-esque speech in the season premiere. But as total creep ball, Garcia knocks it out of the park. Was there a better moment in tonight's episode than Hurley's, half-lobotomized, half-crying, all-BAT S#@T insane heart-to-heart with Jack in his dingy mental hospital room? It was like an outtake from The Ring mixed with b-roll from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. I loved every second of that scene and when it was over, wanted to see more. One of my most treasured LOST reveals will be when we see how Hurley gets from point A to point B. And for the first time, I really think Jorge Garcia will be able to pull it off.

But back to the matter at hand. The other big element missing from this episode was an antagonist for Jack. Matthew Fox's best moments in the series have been when he's been able to bounce off Locke, Ben or his own demons. And since this episode was more focused on the start of Jack's demons, and since Locke and Ben were off for the week, presumably playing Monopoly with the Smoke Monster, there wasn't really any driving force for Jack to fight with. Even in his big scene with Kate, I didn't get my usual jollys as Jack so gleefully destroyed the one thing he really loved (besides himself.) And that's too bad. Because since the show has gotten so big with regards to the cast, there are fewer and fewer opportunities for Matthew Fox to do his monkey dance. It would have been nice to see some of that classic Jack stuff tonight.

If this episode did one thing, it answered some questions that have been on the minds of everyone who watches LOST. To wit:

1.) In the Oceanic Six future, Sawyer isn't dead! As Jack said, he chose to stay behind.

2.) Charlotte speaks Korean! And Jin promised her to take Sun off the Island! To me, this means that Jin doesn't die. Him and Sawyer probably have winners in the Locke-Ben Monopoly game.

3.) The Smoke Monster isn't as bad ass as we thought! Seriously, shouldn't the team of mercenaries have had more causalities?

4.) Since we saw her body, Rousseau is definitely dead!

5.) Or is she?!

6.) I mean, if Christian Shepherd is walking around, talking to Claire and walking with her into the jungle, maybe he's not as dead as we think.

While I'm on the subject of Claire, this seemed like a pretty big episode for her. First, we have finally separated her from Aaron. Let's assume that Sawyer and Miles take Aaron back to the beach, and Aaron goes with Kate (after she hardcore makes out with Sawyer to say goodbye.) Claire isn't dead, she's just running around the jungle with her dad.

And second, though certainly more shaky then that previous assumption, didn't it seem like Jack knew he was related to Aaron? That whole "you're not even related to him!" slam at a crying Kate seemed like a loaded dig. Maybe he was just lashing out at her, or maybe he'll figure out before he leaves the Island that Claire is his half-sister.

Next week, Locke takes center stage, apparently with some of the people that Ben killed in the purge. Normal. After that, it's the two-part, three-hour LOST finale. Hold onto your butts.....